Insensitive
by Severina
Summary: Bulma looks back on her realtionship with Vegeta before the fight with the andriods. Songfic, no lemon but a twist of lime


Hello! I was really bored so i wrote this. It's Bulma thinking about her relationship with Vegeta right before everyone goes off to fight to andriods. Yes, I'm hard on Vegeta in this story. (aren't i always?)But I still love him in many ways. Anyway, enjoy!   
  
I don't own DBZ or the song "Insesitive" by Jan Arden.   
  
~ = song lyrics  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Insensitive   
  
  
  
I stand there on the grassy cliff waving to the four fighters that I have the pleasure of calling my friends. I'm happy to see them even if it is under such grave circumstances such as a foretold battle in which they are predicted to perish. I can't think like that right now, I know that if I do I will collapse for sure. Positive thinking and the squirming child in my arms have kept me from imploding over this past year. Through my smile and outward normalcy, I can see the looks of confusion that cross their features as their eyes rest on my child.   
  
"Is he your son Yamcha?" Gohan chirps at my surly ex-boyfriend. I watch, as Yamcha doesn't bother to hide his animosity in answering the question. For a second I'm furious with him for being such a jerk, but my anger fades when I hear the sadness in his voice when he tells Gohan to wait. I know that he wishes Trunks was his son. Sometimes I find myself wishing the same thing.   
  
  
~How do you cool your lips~  
~After a summer's kiss~   
  
  
"I'll bet its Vegeta!" Goku says happily while making faces at my son. My heart stops. It hurts to hear his name. I force myself to focus on my friends and in doing so I become aware of the bewildered expressions and dropped jaws that greet the revelation. Who the hell told him anyway? And why do I even have to justify those stares with a response? I don't, whom I choose to take into my bed is my business, not theirs.   
  
My knees quiver at the very thought of being in bed with Vegeta again. He was the most amazing, gentle lover that I have ever had. I never thought that he could be so attentive and gentle in bed, my pleasure on those few occasions seemed to be a goal as worthy as his desire to become a Super Saiyan. The thought of those tender caresses and soft kisses leave me not only in a state of desire and need, but with the burning question: why? How could he make love (for lack of a better term) to me like that and then ignore me the next day? How could he ignore that those red-half moons on his back that my father brought to his attention the next day as 'training wounds' that were actually the indents of my fingernails? He could kiss me with the need of a starving man one second and then treat me like common trash the next. How? Why?   
  
  
~How do you rid the sweat~   
~After the body bliss~   
  
  
I'll never forget the last night that we were together. Wave after wave of perfect pleasure; screaming until I lost my voice and my ability for cognitive thought; the sweat glistening off of our bodies in the moonlight. Vegeta's soft moans and grunts in my ear, the many different ways we found to bring each other to climax over and over again and the feel of his lips as they glided over my entire body. My favorite part however was when he entered me. He kissed me so deeply before taking me, and then almost chastely he caressed my forehead with his lips while brushing the hair away from my face. Then he looked into my eyes; we gazed at the other for a long time before he gently eased himself into me, never breaking the eye contact. We stayed that way for awhile before the pleasure became too much for me to take and I threw my head back in surrender.  
  
After we were finished, he pulled me into his arms for the first time for a post-coital cuddle and kissed me softly. The lust was gone from his kiss; tenderness had taken its place.  
  
"Vegeta" I whispered as I ran my hand along those strong angular features, memorizing his face with my fingertips.   
  
"Go to sleep." He answered softly, his voice was low and he sounded almost happy. It was the closest to happy as he could get anyway. I regret falling asleep that night because when I awoke I learned he had already left for space.   
  
  
~How do you turn your eyes~   
~From the romantic glare~   
  
  
For weeks after that I thought I was losing my mind. I'd hear his voice on the wind, feel his touch in my sleep and smell that beautiful scent that belongs to him around every corner. I began to throw up in the mornings and my period was late. As smart as I am, pregnancy never crossed my mind. I don't know why, I think that I was just too busy thinking about how sad I was that I forgot Vegeta and I never had protected sex. I explained the sickness and the mood swings with depression, and my period being late as an effect of stress. Soon after he left, I walked into the doctor's office completely convinced that I had lost my mind, only to find out I was carrying a child. His child. And he didn't even know.  
  
  
~How do you block the sound~   
~Of a voice you'd know anywhere~   
  
  
Yamcha was the first friend I told after I told my family. He cried. I still can't believe that he cried. I know that whenever he looks at Trunks he sees the son he believes should have been his. After he finished crying, he asked me how I could have been so stupid. As angry as I was, it was a question I should have asked myself. I should have known better than to indulge in the schoolgirl fantasies of having a man like Vegeta fall in love with me. I had forgotten that just because I loved him, didn't mean he loved me. I was always so good at unrequited love, why should Vegeta be any different? The signs were all there, regardless of how tender he was in bed, regardless of how passionate his kisses were, he was still the cold, hard Prince of all Saiyans, destroyer of worlds and murderer of thousands. Love isn't a possibility for him.  
  
  
~Oh I really should have known~   
~By the time you drove me home~  
~By the vagueness in your eyes~  
~Your casual good-byes~  
~By the chill in your embrace~   
~The expression on your face~   
~That told me~  
~You might have some advice to give~  
~On how to be~   
~Insensitive~   
  
  
He returned from space three months after I gave birth to Trunks. I was in the living room holding the most beautiful invention I have ever had a hand in when he walked through the door like he hadn't been gone a day. He looked at me, that same unreadable expression plastered across his features like a badge of honor before his eyes slipped downward. When he saw his son, his eyes widened and for a split second before settling back on my own, the question the only thing I have ever been able to decipher from those black eyes. I couldn't speak, I wanted to but my mouth wouldn't open and I simply nodded once and got up to place Trunks in the crib I had erected beside the couch. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't watch him be so cold.   
  
  
~How do you numb your skin~  
~After the warmest touch~  
  
  
"Did you do it?" I asked after I found my voice had returned to me. I don't know why that question mattered more to me than all the things I wanted to ask him and all the things I wanted to scream at him. Maybe I wanted a reason. If he achieved his goal while I went through 9 months of pregnancy and then 23 ½ hours of labor, it would all have been worth it. Sad isn't it? His dream mattered more to me than all the pain and confusion I was feeling. I love him that much. Nodding in response, he came to linger close enough to the crib to see his son.   
  
"He will be a warrior one day." He said quietly, a statement of fact rather than a request or a hopeful dream. I shrugged, not really knowing what to say. I turned to leave the room because I knew that when Trunks woke I'd need to change him and all the diapers were upstairs. "I'll train him." Vegeta said.  
  
"Okay," was the only answer I could manage.  
  
  
~How do you slow your blood~  
~After the body rush~  
  
  
He had told me that day that he'd be sticking around. I know that it wasn't out of love for his son and I, but for the deep-rooted sense of honor that drives him. He felt obligated to stay with us and in all reality he really didn't have anywhere else to go.   
  
  
~How do you free your soul~  
~After you've found a friend~   
  
  
He avoided me until last night. I stood on the balcony praying to every god that I've ever heard of to deliver us today. Save my friends, save my planet, save the man I love. Let them all be strong enough to avoid the bleak future that the purple-haired boy warned us about. As I stood there I sensed that I wasn't alone. I turned to see Vegeta leaning against the threshold to my room.  
  
"Hey." I said. It was the only thing I could think to say to him, I didn't want what could potentially be the last memory I'd have of him to be colored with anger and harsh words. There was so much I've wanted to say to him but never had enough assurance from myself that I would break down and cry when I asked it. That day will come but its not here yet. And I refused to do it until I knew that I wouldn't look weak in front of him. Without a word, Vegeta moved in front of me and almost timidly took me in his arms. I still can't believe that he actually hugged me, I just added it to the growing list of things that I never thought I'd experience with him.  
  
  
~How do you teach your heart~   
~It's a crime to fall in love again~  
  
  
"You'll take care of the boy" he whispered into my ear, wanting it to be a command but it came out as more of a question. I realized that he was afraid. He doesn't want to die today. And maybe he didn't want to leave me with the memories of abandonment and the cold shoulder that I've gotten from him since the night we conceived our son. Those are the only explanations I can come up with for the events of last night.  
  
"Of course. But you'll be here-" he silenced my lips with a kiss. After not having touched him in so long my body flared up with passion in a matter of seconds. I hate the power his touch has over me. He has the power to reduce me to a quivering mass of flesh with nothing more than the brush of his fingertips. As much as I hate it, I need it. I need him close to me. I know that sex between us doesn't mean that he loves me, far from it. Sex will never equal love. But I also know that it's the only way a man like Vegeta can express emotions that he thinks have been beaten out of him long ago.   
  
Soon we were in my room lying on the bed, his hands roaming over my body as his lips made their way down my neck. He removed my shirt, his mouth hungrily devouring my breast as I ran my hands through his hair. I don't know how, after everything that I've been through with him and because of him I still wanted him. Suddenly, as my hands were making their way down his chest to the waistband of his pants, the baby monitor came to life and I heard the product of our passions begin to cry. Vegeta stopped, place his forehead against mine and with one small sigh he rolled off of me. I pulled my shirt back on and went to take care of my son. When I had successfully lulled him back to sleep, I returned to my room to find that Vegeta was predictably gone.  
  
  
~Oh you probably won't remember me~  
~It's probably ancient history~   
~I'm one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you~   
~I'm out of vogue I'm out of touch I fell too fast - I feel too much~   
  
  
Now, as I watch my friends fly off to find the causes of the explosions in the city, my prayers are with them. I hope they've trained enough, I hope they're confident in their abilities. I know that I am. I have faith that we'll come out of this, Goku's alive. He'll save us all, he always does.   
  
Vegeta will make it through this alive. We have too much to settle he can't die with all of these questions unanswered. And I still love him. I'll give him all the love that I have until the day I die. I hope that I'm not one of those women who fall for a man who can never love them in return, who take all sorts of abuse from the men that they 'love.' But I know it's different with Vegeta and I. He's different. I think that one day the tender, caring man that only comes out in his lovemaking will be closer to the surface than it is now. One day he'll prove me right. I don't know how or when, but one day I'll have indisputable proof that he loves Trunks and I.   
  
I wish I could be like him sometimes; cold, uncaring and insensitive. But I know that he suffers because of it, and that's when I grateful for my ability to express my emotions so freely. I love him. He doesn't deserve it, I know that. But I've never met anyone who needed love more than he does.  
  
  
~I thought that you might have~  
~Some advice to give on how to be~  
~Insensitive~ 


End file.
